Culpability
by Andorian Ice Princess-AIP
Summary: AU rewrite of 3.13 Fault Lines. It really didn't matter who was to blame, when the call came in that Ed had been shot nothing else mattered except believing that he was going to be okay & their future together still secure. CHAP 3 UP NOW
1. Fault Lines

**Title: Culpability  
><strong>**Chapter 1 – Fault Lines **

**Summary:** AU rewrite of 3.13 Fault Lines. It really didn't matter who was to blame, when the call came in that Ed had been shot nothing else mattered except believing that he was going to be okay, the days events amended and their future together still secure.

**Disclaimer: ** Ah you know write? Ed's with me and well yeah that's about it…lol

**A/N:** Okay so I had thought about just taking Clark out and inserting Donna into Sophie's role but that didn't challenge me enough so….Sophie doesn't exist and have taken the whole pregnancy thing out so came up with an idea that could be just as angsty to Ed but we'll see – I'll let you all be the judge of that. Again please don't flame and say Ed's cheating – he's not! :) (my muse doesn't work that way – **ever**) and hope you all like this little out of the box attempt once again and thanks!

_"Words in italics and double quotes – directly from the eppy." Other words in single quote and italics are flashbacks._

* * *

><p><em>Requalification…Roy's hearing…team psyche eval…Roy's possible dismissal…family ties forever severed…my fault!<em>

So many things weighed upon his mind as Ed pulls into the SRU parking lot that morning. Two nights ago, on his second date with Donna he had confessed that he was more than a little stressed about the simmering tension between him and Roy but didn't elaborate and certainly didn't want to bring up the familial ultimatum he had been given, in the end brushing it off when she asked as nothing really.

_'You know Ed you were the one that went to my superior and…'_

_'And what Roy? Told him the truth? Something you should have done on your own?'_

_'You never gave me a chance to do that!'_

_'Would you have?'_

_'Guess we'll never know.'_

_'Ah damn it Roy, stop with the stupid head games.'_

_'No Ed…this time it's your turn. I don't care about your requalification! You better be at that hearing. I got one shot and…'_

_'I don't re-qualify and I don't have a job. Do you understand that?'_

_'Yeah I understand, it's always about you. That night in the shipyard you told me you were proud of me. Was that all just a lie huh? You said you'd help me get my job back. Was that a lie also?'_

_'Roy…'_

_'Forget it Ed. You be at the hearing or that's it.'_

_'What's it?'_

_'Us. Consider yourself an only child.'_

It was a petty threat spoken rashly in the heat of the moment, but there were times when Roy had made rash statements in the past and actually meant them; this was one of those times when Ed fears that if he doesn't show up, the growing rift with his brother could widen.

He looks at the entrance to the SRU and sighs, his mind wondering what repercussions his having gone to work today instead of being at Roy's side would mean.

_This shouldn't take too long, I'll easily pass requalification and then head right over to Roy's hearing_, Ed's mind tries to reason.

For a few seconds his stomach tightens as he ponders missing Roy's hearing, his brother then telling everyone how his only brother who had the chance to help restore his honour and get his job back; turned his back on him, let him down. _'Yeah Ed's first priority is always to the team…family's second_…_if at all,_' Ed's mind winces as he continues on into the building.

He hears his best friend Wordy call out to him "Eddie" and Spike's carefree banter about the day ahead and his mood slightly lifts. The teasing about the requalification makes his agitation slowly ease as he engages in the discussion, desperately wanting a mental distraction.

Out of the corner of his eye, Ed spies Donna heading their way and cuts short his discussion, eager to squeeze in a good morning to his, so far secretive girlfriend. Despite the fact that they were on different teams, they were both still SRU and in situations where they'd have to work closely together. So if there was a possibility of getting involved and then parting on bad terms, it would strain their professional relationship and that was something he wasn't in favor of. However, as she nears he can't help but smile as well, she just has that effect on him. The spring in her step, the way the uniform hugged her body, the playful daring in her eyes – all of it teased him in a good way, instantly elevating his mood.

_"Hey hey,"_ she greets him with an automatic grin. It was hard to fight the chemical pull he has on her, even her telling herself when she heard his warm voice moments earlier to be calm and just downplay the enthusiasm at seeing him, especially since they were still on the 'lets keep this quiet until we know we are sure' part of their budding relationship. But today was going to be difficult; it would test both of them in ways they never would have expected or planned and force them to realize that in the blink of an eye everything they were working toward could be taken away.

_"Donna," he greets her with a flirty spring in his tone._

_"Edward," she lowers her voice and flirts back in kind. "Your team ready to get their butts kicked?" _She can't help but playfully tease.

_"Your team's playing the bad guy? Lemme get this right? Team Three against Team One?" _He smiles playfully in return, loving the daring challenge.

_"Yeah go suit up…and uh…"_

To anyone else they might have just brushed it off, but he could tell by the instant change in the tone of her voice and facial expression that something was brewing beneath her chipper exterior, something she had held back until after the friendly teasing was out of the way.

_"What's goin' on?" Ed asks in haste, his mind now wondering if maybe she was having second thoughts about them? Never guessing what emotional danger was lurking in the shadows._

_"Commander Holleran wants to see you in the briefing room," she answers with a serious tone._

_"Okay," Ed replies, his mind not anticipating the professional ambush he was about to walk into._

_"I'll see you out there," she tries to rebound to flirty status, their eyes locking for a few fleeting seconds before they break apart and she remains fixed in place and he heads toward fate; playtime officially over._

However, as she watches Ed near the briefing room her mind now races with another tense dilemma, spawning from a discussion she had with Commander Holleran about half hour earlier and was told that she wasn't allowed to tell him. The same words that Holleran was probably telling Ed right about now.

_"Donna Sabine is gonna run your team through tactical requalification."_

_"I drill my own team," Ed answers without missing a beat, his mind now racing with all these professional missiles he was being bombarded with. Someone else brought in to do the team's psychological evaluation…Donna testing his team. _What the hell? Ed's mind races with frustration. Why didn't she tell me this a few minutes ago? How could she let me be blindsided like this?

_"She's gonna run you through the shoot house, test your teams skills and then break you down individually," Holleran's voice resounds with authority._

_"Okay…what the hell's goin' on?" Ed counters in agitation; his mind silently yelling NO WAY IN HELL._

_"Eddie...take it easy," Greg takes him out of the room to explain. "Everything's gonna be okay."_

Donna hears the sharp anger in Ed's tone as she hovers near the entrance to the briefing room, thankful the rest of the team had dispersed and there was no one to catch her eavesdropping. _Eddie I'm sorry,_ her mind laments in silent misery as she finally pulls away goes to get ready for the day. Would he be mad? Would he just put on a smile and _pretend_ that everything was okay when it was a heartbeat away from disaster? Would he tell her one thing and feel another? Betrayal? Anger?

Donna watches Team One emerge and already Ed has his game face on, the tension starting to simmer. He makes a comment about _"any more surprises" _and she replies with a flippant comeback, her heart racing at their banter before it was time to get down to business thanks to Greg's verbal interjection. She turns and heads for the shoot house, hearing Ed's voice already talking to the team, getting them ready. Of course his team was expected to pass within the allotted ninety second timeframe, they were called the best for a very good reason.

"Donna you sure you want to be here?"

"This is where Ed is gonna come in," she slightly smirks to her own team three team leader. "He's mine."

"Nice," Tom grins as he pulls his paint bullets. "I'll bet you're gonna enjoy this. But you know he's gonna win right?"

"I'd be disappointed if he didn't," Donna replies in truth. "Ready team three?"

"READY!"

XXXXXXXX

"Boss you just spring this on me now? Today of all days?" Ed asks in frustration as they get ready in the locker room moments earlier.

"Eddie…"

"Don't tell me not to worry about it," Ed interjects sharply. "You know I have Roy's hearing today and now you tell me I hafta first let go of a duty I normally do and hand it over to Donna and secondly contend with someone other than you picking our brains?"

"You need to focus."

"Well I'm glad you're acting like this is no big deal," Ed groans as he grabs his sunglasses and slams his locker door shut.

"You'll be finished in time for your part of the hearing, I give you my word."

"That's one deal I'm gonna hold you to," Ed warns before he turns and heads for the rest of Team One waiting outside.

"You okay?" Wordy asks in a low tone.

"No," Ed replies simply as he heads past and then pushes through the doors outside and sees Donna waiting. For a few milliseconds, his brain contemplates rushing over to her and demanding why she didn't give him the heads up to what Holleran wanted him for; not letting him simply walk into a heated ambush and be left standing there while she has the last laugh. But it was time to put on his game face and get the job done; get through this ordeal, get to Roy's and go home – alone. _To stew about your girlfriend not telling you and letting you find out on your own? _Yes!

_"Slow is smooth…smooth is fast…fast is lethal…let's show them how it's done."_

Ed's heart rate instantly surges as the team disperses, following his orders as they had been trained and him and Greg entering through the front door. As soon as he enters the building with Greg to his right, the job pushes aside everything else, the need to win now coursing through his veins. He takes out his first man but is stopped just as he reaches the bottom of the stairs, hearing the silent snicker from Donna in the darkness. _She would choose to cover my path, _Ed inwardly groans as he calls out to his team.

But it was over before he knew it and soon Donna was walking toward him with a satisfied smile before a small bout of flirty banter was about to ensue once more.

_"I had you pinned," she just can't help but toss at him; wanting to break some of the tension she knows she was responsible for between them earlier._

_"For about two seconds," he retorts with a small chuckle, not wanting to give in but not able to resist replying. _His eyes and smile remain exclusively hers during their friendly banter and even when the phone rings, she's the only one in focus, that is until the news is dropped who will be conducting Wordy's psyche evaluation.

_"Larry Toth…you know him?"_

_"Boss you know who it was gonna be?" Ed sidesteps Donna's question and looks directly at Greg._

_"Holleran told me when you walked in Eddie," Greg answers, his voice thick with tension._

_"This was supposed to be a routine re-qualify…he breaks up teams."_

_"He does not break up teams. I'm gonna be right there with you Eddie, you have nothing to worry about," Greg tries to assure his now agitated team lead._

Donna watches Ed's jaw tighten and feels her own stomach mirroring his actions. _He breaks up teams? What? He can't break up Team One, _her mind ponders for a few seconds. Near the end of their second date, Ed had told her just how much the team means to him and how it was the only place he could see himself working with until he hangs up his gun – for good. And now this…this was like someone put on a two tonne cement punching glove and hit him square in the gut – without giving him warning. The best way now to ensure Ed stays focused is to keep the team going, keep the drills and the re-qualifying going; it was what she could do for him.

But as she sees a momentary flash of fear dart across his sapphire orbs she wonders what he'll face? How will he be evaluated? What did he have to fear? _Nothing…Ed's gonna be fine, _her mind assures her as she tells Team One it was time to continue.

Ed watches Wordy go and then looks at Donna, his mind once again wanting to yell at her for not giving him prior warning or asking the tough questions and giving them all a heads up before they were slammed with the news like a shipping container of bricks falling ten stories to the ground. _Wordy's gonna be just fine…he'll be just fine, _Ed's mind repeats as he finishes the relay and then looks over at Donna talking to Commander Holleran, wondering if her sideways glance to him meant she was referring to him or just his team in general.

_I hate this! _Ed's mind growls as he bites his tongue and carries on, his mind also very aware of the time and the fact that Roy's hearing and his part in it were coming down to the wire. _You don't show up Ed and I'll take it like you don't even know you have a brother._

Just before the personal skills part, he finally gets a chance to break away, telling the remaining members of the team he needed to talk to her, team lead to team supervisor. Donna looks at his expression and wants more than anything to just give him a reassuring hug, telling him that everything was going to be okay and Team One would be the same in a few hours as they were this morning. But she couldn't and can only stand meekly before his demanding presence, praying for some kind of mental reprieve. It wasn't forthcoming.

_"So what did Holleran tell you?" Ed asks_, his curiosity egging him on.

_"Nothin'…just talkin' results and the CQB," she answers they are once again interrupted by her phone ringing, _her mind thankful this time for the disturbance and hoping he'll not see that she's holding something back. He does and is quick to call her on it.

_"What else?" Ed presses, hating to be kept in the dark or offered a professional surprise that he can't anticipate. "You're not tellin' me something."_

_"You've been edgy all day," she counters, "something you're not telling me?"_

Cornered…and that was something they both know he hates. But she wasn't about to divulge information that had been entrusted to her by a superior; no matter how much her heart was begging her to confess to him and he was about to show her the folly of her headstrong ways.

So without so much as a no, Ed merely purses his lips and then heads off after Spike, leaving her to give herself a mental ass kicking; knowing that if they were to go out later to celebrate his requalification as they had talked about the night before, things would be more strained than happy. _Way to go Donna, _her brain berates. _If you're falling in love with him, back off now…can't you see this isn't easy on him? _Damn I hate all these feelings that come with a new relationship.

_"Hey, what's wrong with him?"_

_"He's been like that all week," Jules sighs as she looks over at Sam. "What is it?"_

All week? Donn's mind races? He hadn't mentioned anything that would make him this edgy. He mentioned something with Roy but merely shrugged it off as normal sibling rivalry, something she could attest to. _Maybe he just didn't want to open up that much yet?_ But when Donna sees the look Sam gives Jules she knows that something else is brewing between the members of Team One and instantly feels a few pangs of jealousy toward the one about to confess something intimate about the man she was falling in love with.

"Roy gave him an ultimatum," Sam replies with a heavy sigh, thinking back to the discussion he had with Ed a few weeks back; the incident stemming first with Roy's fateful actions at the Sunrise Motel and then his nearly illegal actions in the shipyard when Sam took out the man who had sold the guns that had Roy's partner killed. "His hearing is today and…well it was Ed that had him suspended by going to his superior. Roy told him that if Ed didn't show up at the hearing today like he said he would that Ed could forget that he ever had a brother and Roy would let everyone know it was Ed's fault he's not back on the force."

_What? Ed has that hanging over his head as well as this Larry Toth to worry about breaking up the team? No wonder he's stressed, _her mind laments as she watches Ed disappear inside the building. _And after I let him be blindsided like that. This is all my fault! _

For a few moments she looks at Sam, frustrated that Ed had confessed all that to him instead of to her, but then sharply reminds herself that it wasn't fair to Sam to bear any ill will, her and Ed had just decided about a week ago to take things past serious friendship, testing the dating waters. _Still wish he had told me, _she sighs as the door closes and Ed is gone. _Ed…I'm sorry._

XXXXXXXX

Ed looks at Holleran before heading for the phone call that Winnie just paged him for.

"Where the hell are you Ed? I'm about to give my side and I need you here!" Roy's voice hisses in anger to Ed over the phone. Ed looks at Winnie and then over at Holleran and silently curses.

"My turn isn't…"

"Damn it Ed, you promised. I can't do this on my own," Roy reminds him. "I need you here…telling your side. You're the only one they're gonna take seriously and you know that. You don't show up and I'm finished!" Roy's reminds his brother. "You told on me and now you gotta…"

"Yeah I know that Roy," Ed replies with a heavy sigh.

"I'm gonna give my side and then it's your turn. You don't show up and we're done."

"Stop with the threats Roy," Ed groans.

"It not a threat. Just be here."

Ed's face winces as the slamming of the phone on Roy's side resounds in his mind as the line goes dead and he looks over at Holleran. _Damn it I gotta go, _Ed's mind growls as his lips emit a heavy sigh. And talking to Holleran right after that call wasn't the best idea for it results in a heated showdown with Ed demanding answers and Holleran warning the very agitated team one team leader that he was _"out of line."_

_"You heard that right? I gotta go. I can requalify later," Ed tells Holleran in a firm tone._

_"Without you being here, today's tests are meaningless."_

_"This makes no sense," Ed growls as he turns to leave._

_"This isn't about individual performance," Holleran starts to explain, immediately drawing Ed back to face him, "this is about the fabric of the team."_

_"So we reschedule…get somebody else."_

_"Can't be done and if you don't requalify I am not authorized to clear team one for duty," Holleran strictly but correctly warns. "The hearing just started right? I know how this works…you'll be there in time to give your side. The Chief will understand. One hour. I know this is asking a lot. Okay?"_

_"Okay," Ed begrudgingly agrees, hating to be backed into any kind of emotional corner but also not caring as he utters his reinforced terms. "One hour…one hour and I'm gone."_

Feeling like a caged lion, being forced to watch the trainer from inside his cage and wondering when the door to freedom would be opened, Ed knows he has no choice but to head back outside and finish the rest of the requalifying events or forfeit his professional career, something he'd die before doing. _Damn it Roy! _Ed's mind curses as he heads for the exit doors and back outside to continue with the individual team events.

Donna watches Ed finish up and feels her core tighten once more; his expression was even tenser then it was earlier and she can't help but feel partially to blame. Winnie had told her about the call and the mini showdown between him and Holleran during the last break and she could only imagine the inner agitation that was eating away at him at this very moment. She watches him trying to diffuse something between Wordy and Spike, but her eyes lock on him and remain there until his pacing stops, landing him a few feet to her right side. _Just tread carefully, _her brain cautions.

_"You okay?"_

_"Yeah," he replies, short, contrite and to the point – all business. The friendly, flirty Ed Lane from earlier was long gone, tonight was probably not gonna happen now._

_"I don't think it's right they're making you stay," she utters in truth, trying to somewhat diffuse the tense situation and get him talking about it. _Come on Ed…talk to me…ask me how I know…tell me you wanted to tell…tell me…something, anything, her mind begs his handsome face. Please Ed…just talk to me. But it wasn't to be – nothing.

_"Okay what's next, let's get through this," _he replies firmly, his mind racing that she had been told by someone other than him and was now trying to make concession. _Just get through this, go to Roy's hearing and then show up at her place and talk about everything,_ his brain suggests, his heart chiming in agreement. _Okay that's the plan…now focus and get through this._

XXXXXXXX

Finally the eleventh hour rolls around and Ed finds himself in the hot seat facing the implacable Dr. Toth. Ed looks over at Greg as Toth gets him set up and shakes his head, his teeth gritted but his mind racing to get ready to just automatically relate the answers he figures Toth wants to hear. The first few were standard questions, Toth even praising him for staying instead of rushing off to Roy's hearing despite the fact that he wasn't called up to bat yet as it were. The word association starts out with some basic answers, no thinking just responding; that is until Gordon and Petar Tomasic were mentioned and his heart rate instantly elevates. _Just remain calm, _his brain urges in haste, fearing emotional betrayal on the horizon.

But Toth wasn't done…he was only getting started and with each name mentioned, Ed feels his own personal and professional Titanic nearing the tip of the fateful iceberg.

_"What do you do with the guilt? All those times your best wasn't good enough. All the times you were too late. Ed, you're a sniper. I know you can regulate your breath and heart rate; mask your responses. But your skin conductivity is telling another story. Even hero's crack. When things get tough at work where do you turn? The team or someone else?"_

_"I count on my team?" Ed answers, his response somewhat waffling between true and false. _

"Just the team?" Toth interjects and Ed feels his core starting to warm.

"What's your point?"

"You're alone are you not?"

"You planning to set me up doc?" Ed smirks; Toth's expression unphased. "Am I not allowed to have friends outside the team?"

"Do you talk to them about confidential matters?" Toth presses and Ed feels his entire frame tense.

"No," Ed answers in truth, garnering a small glance from Toth. "Is this relevant?" Ed asks firmly as Toth looks at him, wondering who Ed Lane was possibly sharing confidential secrets with if not his team? An outsider? Was a breach possible?

"If you are sharing inside secrets with an outsider it could be very relevant. If you go to them in the heat of the moment…"

"I don't okay?" Ed growls in return, the needle jumping slightly. _Donna's not an outsider, _his brain wants to yell. But in truth he hadn't yet confessed really confidential stuff to her and after today he wonders what tomorrow will bring for them. He hadn't told her about Roy but she had found out. _Just focus and get this done! _His brain demands.

"I'm not doing that and time is wasting," Ed answers in truth and Toth narrows his gaze a little as the machine sides with the staunch team leader.

_"Where do you turn when it's something you can't share with the team?" Toth moves on._

_"My…family," _Ed somewhat hesitates before he answers, knowing that in the past few months with him and Roy on the outs that his outside ear was now strained – possibly in danger of being damaged beyond repair.

_"Family keeps you grounded. But who do you turn to when..."_

"My family," Ed repeats firmly. "Now lets move on."

"Your family…your brother?"

"That's right."

"So how are you coping with the fact that that lifeline is in danger of professional demise due to your own actions? How are you coping with the knowledge that you turned in your own brother? That if he isn't reinstated today you have lost that confidential ear? You turned against the one person you used to turn to and trust with your very mental sanity. How do you live with that?"

Ed looks at Toth in shock. _How the hell…_I only told…Ed's mind spirals as he looks at Greg in shock and disbelief.

"You went behind his back, you never gave him the opportunity to do it himself. He was suspended due to your actions? He was nearly killed because he was trying to prove something…mostly to you that he was a good cop. How do you deal with that familial betrayal to cope with as well as come to terms with the stresses of the job?"

"Greg…how'd he know I turned Roy in? _How'd he know about all that_?" Ed gently demands, his mind racing at Greg's own betrayal, his mind thinking back to the gun dealer's house and how he had confided to Greg that he was the one responsible for Roy's current suspension and disciplinary hearing.

_"I didn't trust myself Eddie to be objective as a colleague or a friend…for the sake of the team."_

_"For the sake of the team…" Ed nervously chuckles, his mind ablaze with fury and shock; a volatile combination about to explode. "As a friend?"_

_"Eddie…Eddie you tell me," Greg starts, his mind also about to boil over with regret and remorse for betraying his friend who had confessed something to him in confidence. "You tell me Eddie…you said it yourself, what should I do when there's lives on the line…"_

But Ed is done hearing, participating and answering questions that will land him closer toward the emotional guillotine. It was true he had turned his brother in, but this witch hunt was now over and it was time to make good on the promise he had made to his only sibling.

_"You know what…gentlemen…" Ed stands up, pulling off Toth's wires and tubing, pulling out his badge and gun, taking out the clip and placing it down on the table between Toth and Greg. _"I have a brother I gotta help."

And that was it, Ed storms for the door, praying he'll make it in time to give his statement on Roy's behalf and get his brother's police status reinstated; Toth's inquisition be damned.

_"Eddie!" Greg calls out to him._

_"Nothing to say right now boss," Ed calls back, his eyes not seeing the team, Donna or Holleran; the exit door the only thing he was making a line for._

Donna hears the sharp tone in Ed's voice as he answers Greg and knows it's gonna take more than a sit down for a beer at their favorite bar to get him back up to the frame of mind and mood he was in the night before or even first thing this morning. She watches him storm past and bites her tongue, it wasn't even close to being within her right to go after him at the moment. She looks at the time and knows where he's heading – to see Roy. Holleran comes and tells team one they are to go home until further notice, but all she can do is nervously pace until after the hearing, hoping Ed comes back to change and then head home. Otherwise she'd wait and then head to his place to wait and waiting is something she hates.

What had Toth said to him to make him walk out just like that with Greg calling him back? Or had they finished and Ed just didn't like the results and was making it known by a defiant show of his back? Was she partly to blame for not telling him Toth was on the warpath? Was he to blame for not telling her about Roy's situation that was partly responsible for his current state of mind? Was Roy to blame for his cavalier attitude that got him into this mess in the first place? Or was Greg to blame for calling in someone he thought would help instead of harm, thus setting his team leader on this collision course?

_Oh Ed…I just pray you get there in time…say what you have to to get Roy back on the job and then just go home and relax, _Donna's mind inwardly sighs as she watches the metal door slowly open and Greg go in to face Holleran and Toth. About fifteen minutes later, just as Greg's about to enter, Donna casually chatting with Winnie a call comes in and they all hear the heart stopping words every police officer dreads to hear.

_"10-33…where? Lakeshore and where?"_

_"Winnie?" Greg asks in instant concern._

_"Officer down…multiple shots fired…he's SRU," Winnie states in controlled panic._

Donna, now standing behind Winnie at the desk watches Greg approach, anxiety plastered all over his face, her heart rate starting to rise. _I know that area…_her mind ponders as her throat tries to swallow. _Oh god…please don't let it be…don't let it be Ed. _

_"Your team accounted for?" Greg asks Donna, knowing that team one left in their civilian clothing; not SRU gear. "It's Ed," Greg manages and Donna feels her entire world come to a complete stop._

**To be continued…**

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Okay so yeah I had originally planned to make this just a one page/one shot but Alice had other ideas and made this into another two shot! It will incorporate some of '4.01 Personal Effects into the next update with again it being a re-write b/c well Sophie doesn't exist lol so hope you all liked this rewrite (am nervous about how this turned out) so please do review and let me know your thoughts and thanks so much in advance!


	2. Personal Effects

**Title: Culpability  
><strong>**Chapter 2 – Personal Effects**

**A/N:** Thanks so much everyone for the great reviews for chapter 1 and giving this re-write a chance! I hope you'll also like this chapter just as much :)

_"Words in italics and double quotes – directly from the eppy 4.01 Personal Effects." Other words in single quote and italics are flashbacks._

* * *

><p><em>"Officer down…multiple shots fired…he's SRU."<em>

_"You're team accounted for?" Greg directly asks Donna._

_"Yeah boss," she answers with instant trepidation, her heart racing before it comes to a complete halt with Greg's next two words._

_"It's Ed."_

Donna looks at Greg, her brain trying to register the two words that just seeped past her ears. _Did he say Ed? It can't be Ed…multiple shots? No he didn't say Ed. Did he? Not Ed…oh god not Ed…please god no, not Ed, _her mind spirals downward into mental oblivion. She remains frozen in place; her heart racing. Team One had gone home, her team was still there, ready to go in full gear. She looks at Greg and doesn't even have to ask what he wants her to do; however she can't just bring herself to actually offer her services right now. Greg looks at her, the small pleading voice in her head starting out soft and then ending with a resounding shout.

_Donna…_

_Donna…_

_DONNA!_

She blinks several times and tries to swallow. _This isn't happening…Ed's fine and I'm hearing things…Greg did not just say that. _However, reality quickly douses her with a bucket of cold water and she snaps back to attention. It was Ed and it was time for her to act. Her and Greg lock eyes for a few seconds and she knows without asking what she has to do.

_Go get Ed's shooter, _Greg's unspoken command resounds in her mind. Ed…my Ed? I…I can't look for the shooter I hafta get to the hospital, I hafta be with him…now. He…he needs me…he's going into surgery…alone. But she couldn't exactly pull out the _I'm the worried girlfriend and hafta see if he's okay first_, card. That card still hasn't been played and the time to pull it wasn't now. All she can do now is pray he is going to be completely okay and go find the SOB responsible and _then _go to the hospital.

_"I'm on it. Team Three gear up!" Donna shouts before she turns and literally runs toward the weapons locker, her mind fervently praying over and over that Ed is okay. _Please god…let him be okay.

"Donna…its Ed? Did I hear that right? Multiple shots fired?" Tom asks in a panic as they race toward the dark SRU SUV. "What happened?"

"I don't know but…but right now I need a favor."

"You wanna go see him and want me to cover?" Tom asks so that only she can hear, making her look over in surprise. "You two don't exactly hide the signals when you're together, you know what I'm sayin'?"

"Tom we are…okay fine whatever. As much as I want to go to him right now I know I can't."

"Okay so what do you need?"

"I need you to help me stay focused and on target right now. We need to find out who the shooter is and track them, we're shotgun to team one but…damn it Tom he hasta be okay," her voice dies out to a soft whisper.

"He'll make it," Tom assures her firmly. "So where are we heading?"

"Right. Lakeshore and…" her voice trails off as she tells her team three team leader the rest of the details as she feels her heart starting to go from a fast pace to a dull aching thud. _Oh Ed…you better be okay._

XXXXXXXX

With his mind boiling, Ed wasn't even paying attention to the danger signs until it was literally too late. As soon as he had left the barn, he was on the phone with Roy's superior, arguing that he was running late and it was Toth's fault; Roy's superior of course not having any of his excuses saying he knew the time and an exception could have been made for him to leave and re-qualify later; the superior of course not appreciating the tense political minefield Ed just had to traverse. To make matters worse, another person on the road isn't playing by the rules and Ed can only curse and wave his hand in frustration as the luxury BMW crossover cuts him off and then zooms in front.

_Greg told Toth…he told Toth I turned in my own brother…Donna…who told Donna about today? I was gonna tell her tonight…now…now she'll wonder why I kept something from her when she told me last night I could be open with her no matter what. Damn how the hell did this day unravel like this?_

_'Look we're both alone and sometimes the job can get…overwhelming. I'm just saying…if you ever wanna talk, I'm here okay? And I'm hoping you can return the favor. It stays with me okay?' And after that her hand lingered in his until his fingers curled around hers and offered it a reassuring squeeze and nod of confirmation in return. _That was the ending to their date two nights ago.

"Look I'm on my way there now. The hearing can't be over…well call…look. Ah damn it! Sorry…Roy…yeah Roy I'm…look I'll be there in ten minutes…ten minutes, just stall them or get them to call Holleran or Toth. This is their fault anyways!"

Ed's lips offer another angry curse as the driver pulls in front of him and slams on his breaks just as the light turns red.

_"Ah come on buddy…move!" Ed's lips bellow in heated anger. _The driver gestures for him to go around, prompting Ed to slam it into reverse but apply the breaks just as fast; he being trapped between two drivers. "Ahh!" Ed curses as he angrily yanks off his ear piece and gets out; the next few moments happening in a few spilt seconds.

The somewhat emotionally distraught man in front of him exits the car and as soon as Ed tells him to _"get back in his car and get moving," _he puts his hands up and looks like he's about to comply. But just as Ed turns and sees an injured female in the backseat wearing a military uniform with pleading eyes, his police instincts take over. _Roy…buddy you gotta forgive me on this one, _his mind laments as he turns back to see the driver of the car pulling something from his front seat – a gun.

_"Okay…okay let's just slow this down…" Ed slowly raises his hands to show that he's not wanting a direct confrontation – only to talk. _

His tactics fail.

In the blink of an eye, Ed sees the muzzle flash before his lips utter an anguished cry as the bullet rips through the fabric of his black shirt, hungrily tearing through flesh and tissue toward the meaty part of his upper right forearm before embedding in the bone. _Donna…_his mind calls out as his body slams onto the ground, his mind racing as the sound of bullets being fired seems to be unending; his body jerking in response to each one; until silence was followed by ringing in his ears. The shooter's car screams away and Ed's body is left on the ground, pulsing with agony and his brain racing; wondering where his phone was.

"Can you hear me?" "What's your name?" "Someone call 9-11." "What kind of officer is he?" "SRU." "Help is coming." "Just lie still." "Can you hear me?" "Stay with me buddy." "Press down on the bleeding." "Stop the bleeding."

Ed's ears strain to decipher the various worried voices overhead but all he can do is crunch his face in pain and utter tormented gasps, his chest burning, ears pounding, heart about to give way and his brain wondering if he was gonna live.

"Donna…" Ed wheezes in a near whisper, as he hears the sirens approaching.

"Help's here. Just lie still," another voice utters before Ed fades into darkness. Hands…many hands pressing down on the wounds, applying helpful but hurtful pressure to the gunshot wounds; an oxygen mask fitted over his mouth and nose, helping him breathe a bit easier. A blanket to help with the shivering brought on by shock and a shot of something to help with the pain.

_Donna…I'm sorry._

XXXXXXXX

"I'm on my way now to the base," Greg informs Donna as her and Tom head for the suspect's house.

"How is he?" Donna asks in concern, her fingers gripping the steering wheel a bit harder than normal, her mind starting to digest the conversation Greg had earlier with the doctor that was attending to Ed.

_"Talk to me doc."_

_"He took seven bullets, most in the chest and abdomen…they hit his vest. He has major bruising and has lost a lot of blood."_

Seven? Just to the chest alone? The vest only prevented a life threatening injury from bullet penetration, but it didn't protect the wearer from the harmful force of the blunt objects pummeling his tender chest and organs with brute force. Donna feels her eyes instantly water and stomach wanting to lurch as she imagines Ed's body absorbing the painful blows as the bullets were fired at him. Lost a lot of blood…internal bleeding from broken ribs? What else was damaged internally? Ed…no...this can't be happening.

_"His arm?" Greg gestured to the bandages tattooed with crimson wrapped around his pale skin._

_"Two bullets; this is the one I'm worried about, all the nerve damage. I've paged a surgeon. We've got to get him into an OR as soon as possible. Dr. Brown…don't worry…he's the best."_

Nearly ten bullets in total, Donna's mind laments as she hangs up with Greg and looks over at Tom. "Nine bullets?" She asks weakly as her eyes slightly blur.

"Greg said Ed's going under the knife with the best surgeon right? He's gonna be fine, right now we need to focus."

"Tom…"

"Hey look at it this way…the sooner we get this bastard the sooner you can get to the hospital and play bedside nurse," Tom reminds her with a kind smile. "Right?"

"His arm…"

"What?"

"Tom, he's a sniper…if he loses the nerves in that…"

"He's got the best surgeon and you know Ed Lane has nine lives right?"

"All of them with the SRU?" Donna counters sharply.

"Hey I'm just trying to keep you on track."

"Right…focus," she utters as she takes a deep breath and slowly exhales.

"Focus on the guy we're gonna visit right now and lets this get done. Ed's gonna be okay…I promise."

"Copy that," she nearly whispers, giving him an affirmative nod before swallowing hard and then turning back to the road, determined to find their suspect and get to the hospital as soon as possible. _Ed…I pray you'll be okay and I'll be there as soon as I can! _Her mind can't worry about or contemplate the possible hurt feelings Ed will bombard her with upon seeing him after surgery, all she can focus on is being at his side and assuring him they were still on the right track.

"Okay guys heads up…we're here."

XXXXXXXX

Ed's mind drifts through several planes of tormented consciousness as he's forced further into his drug induced stupor; the skilled surgeon working to the most valuable asset a sniper has beside his sharp eye, his shooting arm. His mind conjures up distorted voices…Roy's…Donna's…Wordy's…Greg's…Dr. Toth's…his father's…all saying different things with warped expressions.

The surgery of course is a success and soon Ed's being wheeled into a recovery room in the surgical ward, Roy pacing the hallway until he sees Ed's transfer bed being rolled in his direction. He looks at his watch and then up at the doctor walking beside Ed's bed.

"I'm his brother. How is he?"

"He's come through surgery just fine."

"And his arm? He's a sniper and…"

"He'll hafta wait until the swelling comes down and then after physio to know for sure. There was damage in places but…" the doctor's voice trails off as Roy follows them into the room that Ed would be spending the next two days recovering in. "He's gonna be out of it for a few hours but you can stay for a little while if you want."

"I want to, thanks," Roy replies as he waits for Ed's tubing to be hooked up and then settles in beside his bed. He looks at Ed and frowns before a small smirk plays upon his lips. "You know I did believe you when you said you were running late. But for a moment I thought it was another excuse to let my ass just hang in the air," Roy sighs as he leans back in his chair and then looks up at the clock. "Lucky for both of us they've rescheduled the hearing so you just need to rest up okay," Roy states as he looks over at Ed's placid expression. "Just concentrate on getting better."

Ed's mind drifts in and out of a semi-conscious state as he picks up Roy's voice in the room, talking to him about something that happened in the past, but the drugs keep him from being pulled all the way back into the realm of reality.

"You know you're not bulletproof all over right?" Ed hears Roy's voice teasing him and inwardly groans as his mind replays the images and the monitors start beeping a bit more and Roy's tone instantly softens.

About an hour later, Ed's eyes slowly struggle to open for the first time in hours, his parched lips taking in a soft gasp of air and forcing Roy to lean forward and look at his brother in concern. Ed's brain forces his slightly watery eyes to try to focus, shifting from Roy to other areas in the room and then back at Roy.

"Just us. Wordy's outside now. They got him...the guy that shot you."

"Hearing."

"Yeah they're expecting you to take the stand in an hour," Roy frowns. "You're worried about that?"

"When?"

"Next week…whenever," Roy huffs as he rubs his face. "You look like hell. There I said it," Roy nods. "Don't worry about it, okay?"

Ed looks over at his brother and frowns before nodding.

"Okay I got a curfew," Roy smirks as Wordy shows up in the doorway. "I'll drop by tomorrow."

"Okay," Ed manages weakly as Roy's hand rests on his uninjured shoulder and gives it a squeeze. He watches Roy leave and then Wordy approach his bed.

"Hey buddy," Wordy smiles at Ed, garnering a small smile that looks more like a grimace in the end. "Long day huh."

Ed looks over at the clock and then back at Wordy and frowns.

"Yeah you've been out of it a long while," Wordy acknowledges the time. "I was home first, had dinner, put the girls to bed and now am here. So we're good."

"Roy said…you got the…"

"Okay just rest now and I'll do the talking," Wordy assures Ed as his heart monitor starts to beep a bit faster and louder.

"Sure," Ed tries to swallow, his head still pounding and core on fire.

"We got the shooter and the supplier so score one big time for team one and team three."

"Donna…"

"Yeah am sure she'll be here anytime now to play nurse to you," Wordy smirks, drawing a small surprised expression from his best friend. "What, you actually thought that only Tom picked up on the signals between you two."

"Wordy…" Ed starts to protest and Wordy just shakes his head.

"Okay so am not gonna ask what you're worried about or afraid of because I know you'll get yourself worked up for nothing. I mean you two were flirting with each other the moment you arrived today and hey…you know what I'm glad you're happy. I'm glad she makes you happy and I can tell you make her happy," Wordy replies softly as Ed feels his stomach tighten but from a happy thought not morbid fear of what his best friend might think. "You ask her out yet?"

Ed feels his face automatically warm and his best friend is quick to pick up on it.

"Really?"

"It was just two da…"

"Like I said…I'm happy and we'll leave it there for now."

"Toth."

"Can go to hell," Wordy replies with a slight grimace. "You're okay Ed…Greg said we're all on probation for a year…meaning we gotta be perfect but um…well we can right?"

"Perfect," Ed huffs as he feels his fists tighten.

"Hey we all passed and that's what counts the most. So thank the past year of you drilling our ass as working."

"Perfection is…" Ed's voice strains.

"Okay you know what…I didn't come here to tell you this to get you worked up. Greg said you took nine shots," Wordy's voice slightly dies out as Ed's monitors slow back to normal. "He also said you left your gun."

"Sorry."

"Yeah you should be," Wordy retorts with a smirk and Ed's face slightly softens. "Okay I can see you struggling to keep awake so am gonna say goodnight and just let you get some rest okay? I'll be back tomorrow and maybe bring something homemade to help you get better."

"Wordy…thanks," Ed mumbles softly as Wordy leans in closer to give him a reassuring squeeze on his uninjured arm.

"Just rest up now. I'll see you tomorrow."

Ed watches his best friend leave, a few moments later feeling the suffocating silence starting to fill the rest of the room and suddenly he was wishing that Wordy had stayed…even Roy would be better than miserable silence. _'Donna's probably on her way here…'_

But as Ed looks at the clock he tells himself it was late, it was a long day and she might still be feeling the emotional sting from him not telling her what he had carefully concealed all week, even on the night of their second official date. _She's not coming, _his mind sadly laments as he closes his watering eyes and tells himself the sooner he heals the sooner he'll be leaving – alone.

XXXXXXXX

The job was over, team one apprehending Ed's shooter and her team able to help Guns and Gangs arrest one of their most wanted. But as much as she had wanted to rush some of the process, she knew she had to put aside her own personal feelings in this case, paste on a fake smile and get the job done as she had been impartially trained to do. Team one was hurting at the lost of its team leader and she had to put on her game face as they had. However, she knows that none of them are feeling what she is.

After the case had finally come to a close, she had texted Wordy who told her that Roy was with his brother and he was on his way.

_'You can come too if you want.'_

_'I'll be by later,' she had told him in truth._

Donna looks at the clock on the dash of her car and sighs, it was late but thankfully visiting hours weren't over just yet. _Do I bring anything as a peace offering? He can't eat right now can he? Flowers? That's lame. _ Her mind ponders as she pulls into the parking lot of the hospital and then slowly heads toward the elevator and up to his room. She watches the night nurse come out and heads toward her.

"How's Ed Lane?"

"His vitals are stable and his system is accepting fluids. He's gonna fine."

"I heard he had internal bleeding?"

"Some from the broken ribs. Once the swelling had gone down and the surgery was over the damage inside wasn't as bad as we thought. He'll be very sore for a few weeks, especially as his ribs heal and he'll hafta take it easy but with rest and care he should be fine."

"And his arm? His um…shooting arm? Was there bad nerve damage?"

"Some but it should heal just fine," the nurse assures Donna. "Are you his…"

"Yes. How long can I stay?" Donna asks in sincerity.

"As long as you want," the nurse replies with a kind smile. "But it's best if he rests right now as much as he can; he's been through a lot."

"Okay thanks."

Donna watches the nurse leave and then turns and peers into Ed's hospital room with a pensive stare, almost hesitating to enter. Betrayal…that is the one word eating away at her right now. If she had told him right from the start…but Greg didn't either…_oh damn it stop trying to shift the blame! _Her mind scolds. _Just go in and see him. _She slowly approaches the bed and frowns at his pale expression, and feels her own heart rate start to soar at seeing the monitors, bandages and tubing hooked up to his still frame.

"Oh Ed…" Donna laments softly, her throat seizing and her fists tightening. She quickly brushes away a tear and then looks away to recompose herself; turning back to see Ed watching her in silence. It was her voice that as soon as his brain had registered it, forced him to quickly snap awake and gaze upon her, his heart rate settling into a comforted rhythm.

"Hey," she whispers as she leans in closer, her lips nearing his ear; his lips trying desperately to twist upward into a warm smile. "Ed…" she pauses, her warm flushed face pressed up against his cool skin. "I thought I lost you today," she gently whimpers as her eyes water. "I thought I lost you…" she repeats softly. The next few beats of his heart start to beat a bit more painfully in his chest as his own eyes water. The hand closest to hers slowly moves and rests on her soft skin; basking in the instant warmth his own flesh was absorbing from her touch.

"Sorry," he offers in a near whisper, drawing her eyes instantly to his.

"No…no don't be sorry," she insists as she wipes away another tear that was about to escape and fall onto his face. "I'm sorry I couldn't get here sooner."

"Missed…you," he admits in truth and her smile widens.

"Me too," she agrees as her left hand comes to rest on his cheek. "You…you scared me today. I was in the barn…I heard the call…officer down…multiple shots fired…and then Greg said it was you."

"Donna…"

"It's okay…it's over now but um…I mean seeing you storm out of that room…I didn't even pay attention that you didn't have your gun…Ed…it was too close. I nearly lost you," she rambles and then stops and looks at him; her mind racing with so many thoughts, confessions and excuses to offer. But it wasn't the time; he needs his rest and she just needs to be there at his side for as long as needed.

"What?" Ed asks softly.

"Just this," she utters as she plants a warm kiss on his cool lips, pausing as his fingers instantly grip hers a bit tighter, her lips still inches apart. "There is so much I want to say to you right now," she admits as she slowly pulls back. "But I know it can wait."

"Sorry."

"No Ed…"

"Shoulda told you…about…" he manages, his heart rate monitor starting to pick up the pace and she instantly shakes her head.

"No…it's okay," she insists. "You just need to rest now okay? Please just tell me you'll rest. We can talk tomorrow."

Ed looks at her and frowns, knowing that his body was struggling to stay awake, his mind urging his eyes to close and listen to her advice to rest. But his heart doesn't want him to face this night alone and starts to wage an inner war with his mind to keep his eyes open, keeping her at his side for as long as possible.

"Don't go," he finally begs in a weak tone.

Donna looks at the anguished expression on his handsome face and knows she'd be betraying her own self by getting up and walking out on him right now; leaving him like this. How could she?

"I'm not going anywhere, I promise," she assures him as she hand snuggles further into his and grips it firmly. "We can talk tomorrow. Okay?"

"Okay," Ed agrees with a tired smile as he watches her pull away and then head out of the room. A frown instantly crosses his face as her absence lingers. _Did she say she was staying or leaving? Damn what'd she say? _His drug-muddled brain ponders. But a few moments later he watches her return and can only look at her in expectation.

"Well you didn't expect me to spend the night in that chair did you? And that bed's too small for both of us," she lightly retorts and his lips finally crack a small smile she can actually see. "But you're not resting," she whispers once more as he lips plant a warm kiss on his forehead. "Just rest now…that's an order."

"Pulling…rank?"

"You betcha," she grins as the porter brings in the sleeping bed and leaves it for Donna to arrange next to Ed's bed. "Like I said before," she states as she slowly climbs onto the bed and once again takes his hand in hers. "I'm not going anywhere; I'm staying okay?"

"For how…long?"

"Forever," she admits and he looks over in surprise at the tender expression of truth gracing her face. "I'll be here when you wake up."

Ed's mind settles in the knowledge that after such an emotionally and physically exhausting day he wouldn't have to face the night alone in a solitary hospital room but the one person he actually wants at his side will be at his side for the night. That comforting thought whisks him into the dark realm of sleep; where comfort wasn't to be the order – only twisted nightmares await. But at least he wouldn't be facing them alone.

**To be concluded…**

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Okay so yes I had originally intended this to be a two shot but alas Alice had other ideas and didn't want to rush too much of the confessions or emotional stuff so chapter 3 is coming and hope that's okay! please let us know what you thought of the aftermath of this by way of review and thanks so much!


	3. Laying Blame to Rest

**Title: Culpability  
><strong>**Chapter 3 – Laying Blame to Rest**

* * *

><p>As suspected Ed's night is spent somewhat in torment as his mind would try to pull him from the drug residue, watching himself being shot over and over, each time the help taking longer to get there until he fully awakens with a gasp in a cold sweat, watching himself die in the distorted nightmare.<p>

He looks over at Donna who was gently stirring in the dimly lit room and frowns as he tries to settle back down; not wanting to wake her. He shifts his weary frame but is unable to bite back the gasp from his ribs bending oddly in time for her to hear.

"Ahhhh!" Ed gasps, his body jerking awake with the final bullet to the heart. His eyes snap open, heart racing at top speed.

"Ed?" Donna asks in haste as she quickly turns on the small overhead light and then looks at his strained expression.

"Sorry…to wake you," he manages with a try cough. "I'm fine," he offers weakly as she yawns and fully awakens, slightly sitting up to get a better look at him. "Donna…I'm fine."

"You're hot," she replies as her hand rests on his forehead.

"Thanks," he answers with a small smirk and her lips part into a small smile.

"Okay so I stated the obvious," she lightly frowns as her fingers rest up on his cheek. "But you are burning up a little. Another nightmare?"

"Trust me I'm fine," he insists, getting only an eye roll in return. "Donna…" Ed tries to protest as the hand of his uninjured arm grips the rails and he tries to sit up.

"Seriously you break that stitching and you'll really be in trouble. Don't make me call for restraints," she teases as she approaches him with a cool damp cloth.

"Donna…"

"Hush now," she soothes as she gently presses the cool cloth against his warm skin, his eyes closing at the immediate relief and the pounding in his head starting to slow. "Better?"

"Yeah," he admits in truth, opening his eyes to look up at her once more; garnering a tender glance in return.

"Night mare huh," Donna muses softly, as her finger gently brushes his rough cheek.

"A few," Ed replies with a frown as he shakes his head; pulling the cloth down to his flushed cheek. "What was I thinking?"

"Okay before you start to beat yours…"

"No I should ha…" is all Ed gets out before he's silenced by a soft kiss, Donna pulling back with a smile. "And I knew…" he tries again, only to have her lips press against his, this time she pulls back and they both smirk. "And…"

"Nice try…next time I'll just get the surgical tape," she playfully winks and he purses his lips but nods. "You were angry and that was it. We've all done stupid things in the heat of the moment but this time…"

"It cost me nine bullets; and a few weeks rehab; possibly my job."

"And now you have a few more scars for me to discover but don't over react," she assures him with a small frown of her own as she thinks about what one of the witnesses had told her.

"What?" Ed inquires in haste, noticing her facial expression change.

"I guess I'll have a few nightmares of my own," she replies with a tough swallow.

"Seriously, what if I can't…work?" Ed grimaces; earning a tender but strained expression from her.

"You can become my chauffer," she winks but his serious expression remains. "I know the job is everything to you, I get that but you are going to be fine. But it's four AM and we both need sleep or else I'll get into trouble. So…." her voice trails off as she slumps back down into the sleeping chair and turns off the light, the room still dimly lit from the hallway lighting and outside street lighting. "We can talk more in the morning," she takes his hand and gives it a warm squeeze.

Realizing it was pointless to argue, his body begging him to come back to sleep, Ed whispers goodnight once more and closes his eyes, delighting in the comforting feeling of her hand still holding onto his. But the nightmares weren't to be chased away anytime soon and so when Ed awakens the next morning his frame is still and inner agitation still remains; the night before anything but restful. His mind had replayed yesterday's events over and over and all he could do is curse his own stupidity for so blindly charging out when he did. _Even two minutes later and that wouldn't have happened, _he had argued over and over in his muddled brain. He looks over at Donna still asleep and feels a warm smile start to curl his lips upward.

Not wanting to wake her up, but wanting to get to the bathroom on his own, Ed slowly sits up, biting back a grimace as his bandaged ribs bend oddly forcing him to pause but quickly try again. But the arm that was in the sling, tries to automatically straighten and ends up getting caught in the tubing, which yanks free, making Ed instantly curse, Donna quickly awaken and a small beeping sound to call in the nurse.

"Ah damn it!" Ed curses in frustration.

"Ed…what…" Donna's voice trails off as she watches him trying rather unsuccessfully to untangle himself just as the nurse enters. "What are you…doing?"

"Mr. Lane where are…going?" The nurse asks in haste as Ed tries to shoo her helping hand away.

"To the damn bathroom…alone," he grumbles as Donna's fingers gently push his aside and untangle his bandaged arm that had now come free of the sling; an action he wouldn't let the nurse do.

"You aren't supposed to be moving that arm," the nurse warns with a frown. "If you need he…"

"I'm not going in there with anyone but me. I don't need help," Ed insists, Donna watching with a small frown.

"I got this," Donna tells the nurse as soon as Ed's free of the tubing.

"Just hook this one back up when he's done," the nurse tells Donna before she leaves.

"I'm fine," Ed looks up with a serious expression.

"You're trouble," Donna teases; Ed's face trying to offer a smirk but morphing into grimace as soon as he tries to stand up. He finally makes it and then waits a few seconds for the room to start spinning before he ventures toward the private bathroom, Donna's hand on the his uninjured arm.

"I'm going in there alone," Ed tells her in haste as they near.

"I wasn't going to suggest otherwise," Donna replies kindly. "But…"

"But what…"

"But..well uh…" she stammers as he twists his head to look directly at her. "Hey I like the view don't get me wrong but on the way back we'll get you another gown."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah seriously."

Ed merely sighs and shakes his head as he heads into the bathroom, looking back to see Donna giving his black underwear clad ass another look before she locks eyes with his and smiles.

"What? Men look…why can't women?" She teases before he disappears into the bathroom with a small smirk on his face.

However, as soon Ed looks at his tormented reflection in the mirror, the once amused expression is quickly replaced with one of frustration and anxiety as he lifts the gown as best he can and gazes at his wrapped chest, bruises above and below the bandages adding to the story of his current condition; his mind flashing the shooting before fading just as fast.

"Way to go," Ed chastises himself as he looks at the thick wrapping on his arm and then frowns, his inner agitation starting to rise once more at the thought that he could be looking for another line of work if the nerve damage was as bad as he fears and physio would be unsuccessful. But trying to push that morbid thought aside, Ed finishes up and then heads back out to see Donna waiting with another gown. Instead of arguing, he lets her drape it over his back and then put his arms through, actually thankful for the small but added warmth on his back.

Donna watches Ed move past her and head for the window, she follows, standing beside him as they both look out the window to the overcast morning. Ed glances over just as she stifles a yawn and frowns.

"I'm fine," she grins putting his mind somewhat at ease before she gently guides him back to bed, helping him ease back down and then placing the covers over; the tubing all hooked up and ready to go. Just after that the doctor comes in, allowing Donna a few minutes while he updates Ed on his recovery prognosis.

"Donna…about yesterday."

"We can talk later, it's okay," she tries to assure him.

"No, we need to clear…this up now," he lightly stammers, his heart rate elevating and drawing both their eyes to the glowing monitor. "Please?"

"I'm not mad."

"You're not?"

"I was…more disappointed and angry at myself yesterday but not mad at you."

"I never meant to deceive you about what was going on, Donna I promise you that."

"I know. Just wish I had known a few nights back. I mean I kept thinking it was me on our date."

"You noticed," Ed mentions more than questions.

"You looked at your watch a few times and then became a bit more strained. And it was after…"

"You had told me about if I ever needed someone to confess to. Donna I'm sorry," Ed offers sincerely.

"I know," she pastes on a weak smile.

"But it just got me thinking about Roy and his ultimatum and then…in the field yesterday knowing Greg had told Toth…wait how'd you know about that? And I was gonna tell you…I was," he swallows. "I just wanted to wait until yesterday was all over with."

"And then you stormed out and…now we're here," she sighs. "Sam told me."

"Sam?"

"When I asked you what was bothering you, you stormed off and I had to ask. I'm glad you confided in him," she does her best to sound brave.

"No it's not like that," Ed interrupts in haste. "Sam was at the Sunrise Motel when it happened. A few weeks back he heard me and Roy arguing on the phone in the locker room and then called me on it when I got mad and dented my locker door in frustration. I told him Roy's ultimatum and…and that was it. I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"Family matters I get it…I really do."

"But after you had said…"

"Ed, I wasn't expecting in that moment for you to confess your deepest, darkest secrets. I was merely offering a confidential outlet if necessary. If you had already talked to Sam…"

"But I'm sorry I was curt yesterday."

"How about you make it up to me when you're all better?" She teases.

"Sounds fair."

"And since we're on the apology train, I'm sorry I pushed you like that…back on the training field. I should have waited," she confesses in truth.

"Why didn't you tell me he put you in charge of running my team?"

"Ed…I had…yeah I should have the moment you walked in…but…well the truth is it's your fault."

"My fault?" Ed asks in surprise.

"Can't get past that smile," she gently flirts and his face softens. "I know I should have told you before you were ambushed and for that I am sorry."

"How about you make it up to me when I'm all better?" He hands her back the same line she handed him moments earlier.

"Sounds fair," she teases back. "Guess this new who tells who what stuff takes the most getting used to."

"Usually I tell Roy and…"

"And I'm not here to mess that up," she insists.

"I want you to mess it up," he interjects in truth. "I mean that."

"You sure?"

"I am."

"Okay then I will," she promises. "So what happened with Roy and the hearing?"

"Thankfully it was postponed…at least my part," Ed sighs as he leans back and looks up at her as she shifts into a better position on the cramped bed.

"And the stuff with Toth?"

"Toth…bastard," Ed curses through his gritted teeth.

"He pushed you right?"

"He …he did. He started with the usual and then…he pushed harder. First he started talking about who I confide in," Ed pauses looking up at her. "I didn't tell him I confide in anyone other than Roy because frankly it's none of his business. Sorry."

"Don't be sorry, it isn't any of his damn business. What was the breaking point?"

"He started talking about family and then got into the stuff with Roy and stuff that I had only told Greg. Sam knew about the ultimatum but Greg knew about me turning Roy in and a bunch of other stuff. And then I saw the time…knew he was on a witch hunt and I had to go…yeah without my gun. I shoulda waited but…"

"But you didn't and…"

"And now I'm stuck here while you get to go to work," Ed grumbles as she leans in closer, putting her weight on the side bars so as to avoid any pressure on his tender chest.

"Well…" Donna leans in closer and plants a small kiss on his forehead. "If you promise just to rest, I might be able to…" she starts as his fingers rest on her cheek, drawing her lips in closer. Their skin brushes but just as the heat starts to grow, Ed spies someone out of the corner of his eye and looks up to see Wordy watching with an amused expression.

"Morning," he smiles.

"Wordy…" Ed stammers.

"Right so um…later…" Donna utters nervously.

"Want me to come back so you two can make out a bit longer?" Wordy teases and Ed's face enflames.

"I should go to," Donna pulls back, leaving Ed with a rather gloomy expression on his face.

"Donna I didn't mean to…" Wordy instantly start into his apology.

"No I really do hafta go. But I will be back a bit later after I freshen up, get a portable DVD player and some…well soup…for me and…"

"What about work?"

"It's Friday and I took the day off. See you later," she plants a soft kiss on his rough cheek and then hops off the bed, grabs her jacket, says goodbye to Wordy and then disappears into the hallway. Wordy easing himself down into the chair that Donna had reconverted back into a chair for the day.

"You know you coulda waited," Ed smirks.

"I honestly didn't know," Wordy offers his best friend, dropping a knapsack by his bed. "Clean clothes, razor and shoes. Shelly is making some stuff I'll bring over later in the week in case you get tired of soup," Wordy smirks. "How are you feeling this morning?"

"Stiff and sore and angry," Ed grumbles getting a sympathetic nod from his friend. "I'm stuck here for the next few weeks."

"Weeks? I thought you could go home tomorrow."

"Here as in this situation. So yeah I can go home but so what. I can't do anything until my ribs and arm have healed."

"Read a book?"

"I am gonna go postal, seriously."

"Oh I doubt you'll be _that _alone," Wordy gestures to the door that Donna has just gone through.

"Wordy, I don't expect her to come over every night or every second night just cook and do well whatever…" Ed pauses with a frown.

"Whatever?"

"Well its not like I can do…"

"Do what Ed?" Wordy goads.

"I am not having this conversation," Ed groans, making Wordy chuckle. "Should have waited. Damn probation."

"You've taught us to be perfect which is why we passed all the technical stuff with flying colors. I guess we just gotta keep the personal stuff in check a bit more and talk more to each other in private rather over the headset."

"Secrets…" Ed mumbles. "Secrets will kill us," he ponders as he looks over at Wordy. "Gotta keep those at bay," Ed looks over at Wordy with a frown. "You okay?"

"I wasn't ambushed without my gun. But seeing you like this…its just to real you know," Wordy counters softly as he leans in closer to Ed's bed. "What did the doc say?"

"He was in early this morning. Said my ribs are broken, some internal bleeding and my arm…has some damage but they won't know how the repair job on the nerves is until at least a week. Wordy if I can't shoot…I'm done," Ed confesses in torment.

"Greg said you had the best surgeon, am sure you'll heal just fine," Wordy assures him.

"But what if…"

"How about we have this conversation again in a week? So how was last night? Donna stay here the whole time?"

"Felt guilty the times I woke her up or she had to get me a cold cloth," Ed groans. "At least I didn't throw up or something."

"Trust me am sure she was happy to be here."

"She looked tired this morning."

"She's not working today, team two's on deck with four as shotgun so we're all good until Monday, so stop stressing okay?"

"Kinda hard not to," Ed huffs. "This one was too close."

"How's Roy? You two patch things up?"

"Yeah…yeah we did," Ed replies in truth. The two of them talk a bit longer until Wordy had to head back home, spending the day with his family at the zoo. Roy was up next, talking with Ed for a few hours, making amends and the two of them coming to a new understanding and talking about what might happen if Roy wasn't reinstated with the police and how no matter what they wouldn't let things get this strained – ever again. Spike, came with Sam and Jules; the room now sporting a few vases of flowers and get well soon cards.

Greg was last to arrive, poking his head into the room and spying Ed all alone. "Knock knock," Greg utters with a strained tone, drawing Ed's gaze toward him.

"Boss."

Greg slowly heads into the room, his hands in his pocket and a frown still etched in his brow. He looks at the very unfamiliar stance of his usually tough and in control team lead and just shakes his head. "Eddie…"

"It's over Greg."

Greg cocks his head and purses his lips before exhaling heavily. "I didn't put all that down to betray you. Ed I just…it was such a bone of contention for you…"

"And you were worried about me turning in my brother and then going off the deep end?" Ed ponders.

"I have no excuse," Greg slightly shrugs. "I'm sorry you had to find out that way; it was never meant as a betrayal. It was out of line for Toth to even bring that up and push you like that. He backed you into a very tense emotional corner and you…"

"Overreacted. I shouldn't have stormed out of there like that. Sorry."

"No," Greg shakes his head. "It was an unfair ambush, much like the morning. You my friend were hit with too much yesterday. I didn't expect Toth to push like that. So I'm the one that is sorry."

"We're both sorry; no more blame. But I'm stuck here and…"

"So what did the doctor tell you?"

Ed informs his boss and friend a bit more about his positive prognosis but how they really wouldn't know how anything would turn out until everything was healed and physio was started. They talk a bit longer, the tense terms they had parted on all slowly dissipating; before Greg finally takes his leave, telling Ed he'd drop by later in the week to check on him at home. Evening finally approaches and Ed slowly wanders back from the bathroom; bypassing his bed and heading over to the window and looking outside with a small frown; wanting to be anywhere but in the hospital with not much else to do but contemplate the harsh realities of his own actions.

Ed's mind starts to wander back to his heated interview with Dr. Toth, keeping his mind busy so much so that he's unaware of Donna's presence until her arms gently wrap around his waist, her head resting on his shoulder.

"I feel asleep at home," she admits softly, feeling some of the tenseness in his shoulder starting to ease. "Sorry I'm late."

"Don't be sorry," Ed offers in a warm tone. "I figured as much." Ed twists around as best he can to face her and then leans in and kisses her on the cheek. "Sorry if I didn't thank you earlier for last night."

Donna looks at the tender expression on his handsome face and smiles. "It's where I was needed and where I wanted to be. You look tired?"

"Didn't do much all day and I'm tired."

"Hopefully you'll sleep better tonight."

"Mind's still active you know?" Ed sighs as they slowly wander back to his bed and once again Donna helps Ed lie down and then places her bag next to Wordy's. "Talkin' with Roy…Wordy…the boss…" his voice trails off as he slowly leans back, Donna adjusting the bed so he was semi-sitting. "Gonna be a tough few weeks ahead."

"Am sure Wordy's told you this but you know you won't be alone right?"

"I don't expect you to come and play…"

"Nurse?" She laughs and he nods and smiles. "You're right, I'll save the complete physical for when you're all better – everywhere. Maybe get myself in one of those sexy little white spandex mini…"

"Okay, okay, you're killing me here," he admits with an embarrassed smile and small chuckle. His uninjured arm wraps around her and gives her shoulders a comforting squeeze. "I selfishly want you to stay again."

"Why do you think I was sleeping this afternoon," she retorts matter-of-factly. "So are you able to eat food tomorrow?"

"Soup. You just wanted to tease right?" Ed mocks.

"Hey it's better than baby food or this tube thingy," she retorts and he can only nod.

"Donna I don't expect…"

"Okay where is my tape?" She teases and his speech ceases. "You really don't like people taking care of you do you?"

"I don't want to be a burden."

"Ever think that maybe I'm here because I want the burden of finally wanting to take care of someone other than myself? Don't you ever feel that way?"

"I want you here," he confesses warmly, his lips planting a small kiss on the skin below her ear.

"Well now that that's settled. We spend the night here and tomorrow at…your place?"

"I can man…" Ed starts only to have Donna quickly peck his lips and pull back. "That was a warning."

"So a day at a time?"

"You're a fast learner Ed Lane."

"No, just thinkin' you're serious enough to use the tape," he smirks.

"You bet I would. Now…" Donna pauses as she leans over the bed and reaches for the bag, pulling out the portable DVD player and then arranging herself into a more comfortable position on his cramped hospital bed. "Since I can't use the costume to entertain you, this is the next best thing."

"You okay like this?"

"I'm right where I wanna be," she admits in truth. "You okay?"

"Perfect," he whispers with a tender gaze. "Thank you. What did you get?"

"A-Team?"

"What? Really?"

"No good?" Donna frowns.

"Actually it's great, but you just better not spend the night making googly eyes at Bradley Cooper."

"Googly eyes?" She giggles. "Why Constable Lane are you jealous? Trust me I like a man that can fire a real gun."

"Guy probably can't even spell MP5," Ed boasts proudly.

"Probably not," Donna giggles in return as the movie starts up. "And do I have to make a line about you not making googly eyes at the gorgeous female lead?"

"Too fake," Ed answers in haste. "I'll make them at you instead. Besides I like a woman that can fire a real gun."

Donna looks over at Ed, planting another kiss on his cheek before her head rests on his good shoulder, the two of them watching the movie but mostly softly talking about the week ahead.

About half hour later, Donna twists her head and looks up to see Ed finally asleep. She turns off the DVD and gently places it to the side, grabbing the blanket she had put onto the sleeping bed and drapes it over herself, switching off the night light; and bathing the two of them in darkness. Her sleep would be not restful and short lived if a nightmare was to reveal itself and force him awake and her back into the sleeping chair; a pattern of the previous night would then ensue.

But tomorrow he would be allowed to go home, the first few weeks to just rest up, then the long and trying hours of rehabilitation and then practice on re-qualifying for his current job; which of course he'd get no questions asked. Donna would drop by as often as possible, mostly making sure he got some home cooked meals and wasn't in danger of dying of boredom; physical activities on hold of course until his entire frame could take it. The hearing for Roy would be rescheduled with Ed having a part in Roy's full reinstatement and then he and Donna would go on their third 'official' date which was going to allow things to grow into that of a steady relationship.

Blame had been laid to rest, friendships strengthened, family ties mended and a new relationship given the green light to progress.

**THE END!**

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Okay so wasn't sure if you all wanted to see a few days of Ed resting under Donna's watchful eye, Roy's hearing and him coming back to work so left it here and hope that's okay. I would love your feedback on this story and the twist in this AUniverse so please do review before you go b/c that also gives me direction and encouragement to keep writing more and thanks so much in advance!

**PS**: For those of you that read M I hope you all enjoyed 'Aphrodisiacs' :)


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